Hi there bitch, FUCK YOU.
end.
Wednesday, 30 June 2010
Letter 15 - the person i miss the most
You devil, you.
Its practically illegal that we are living apart now. You are the limit and i fucking love it because so am i.
I miss all the times we've reuninted upon recently and i especially miss the fact that you were the only other person ive ever known that was equally as hardcore/sex crazed/slaggy and ultimatley naughty as i am.
I love you Woofshit.
Its practically illegal that we are living apart now. You are the limit and i fucking love it because so am i.
I miss all the times we've reuninted upon recently and i especially miss the fact that you were the only other person ive ever known that was equally as hardcore/sex crazed/slaggy and ultimatley naughty as i am.
I love you Woofshit.
Tuesday, 29 June 2010
Now that college is over, I'll be leaving your life but I want you to know that you've made an impact on my life. Do me a favour and never give up until you've banished Anna from every corner of your mind. I hope then, you'll be forever happy. Love you.
who are you? this is really kind... :\ thank you xx
Monday, 28 June 2010
Todays events so far...
I have no idea what order these photos are going to come out in but yeah
I found this 'wild strawberry' bodyspray in a cheapo chemist and had to get it because it reminded me of the good ol' days of being 14 and thinking i was grown up buying the same one from bodycare - it was 49p, yum.
I dont know why i took the others, i guess i like my hair today.
The necklace is really long and silver and its covered in little swallows - £7 Miss Selfridge
and finally the Delaware top was in the topman sale for £5 and as 'sporty luxe' seems to be really in right now. i've decided im going to slash the neck and wear it with shorts/leggings. Yum.
Last night i bought myself 100 studs and some fabric paint from Ebay as i plan to make myself some DIY designer tshirts because i cant afford the real thing. I also want to put some studs on the back pocket of my distressed shorts and slash the sleeves off my old denim jacket to make it a waistcoat and make it a bit more hardcore with added studdy goodness.
I got up this morning at 12.30 after having a late night because i physically couldn't put down the book im reading at the moment, got up and had a bit of a vent because i overslept past the time that my tshirt on ebay finished auction and funnily enough i lost it - Wot the fuck is my life.
Anyway, i had another trip into town by myself for time passing activity and here we go.
P.s - Its too hot.
I found this 'wild strawberry' bodyspray in a cheapo chemist and had to get it because it reminded me of the good ol' days of being 14 and thinking i was grown up buying the same one from bodycare - it was 49p, yum.
I dont know why i took the others, i guess i like my hair today.
The necklace is really long and silver and its covered in little swallows - £7 Miss Selfridge
and finally the Delaware top was in the topman sale for £5 and as 'sporty luxe' seems to be really in right now. i've decided im going to slash the neck and wear it with shorts/leggings. Yum.
Last night i bought myself 100 studs and some fabric paint from Ebay as i plan to make myself some DIY designer tshirts because i cant afford the real thing. I also want to put some studs on the back pocket of my distressed shorts and slash the sleeves off my old denim jacket to make it a waistcoat and make it a bit more hardcore with added studdy goodness.
I got up this morning at 12.30 after having a late night because i physically couldn't put down the book im reading at the moment, got up and had a bit of a vent because i overslept past the time that my tshirt on ebay finished auction and funnily enough i lost it - Wot the fuck is my life.
Anyway, i had another trip into town by myself for time passing activity and here we go.
P.s - Its too hot.
Letter 14 - Someone I've drifted away from
Yeah, i miss you so much it hurts.
I know i left in a manner that may have seemed unforgivable but what else was i supposed to do? It wasnt even like i was aware it was going to happen and the sequence of events would unfold in the way it did.
You were my best friend from day 1, i can remember first starting in primary 3 when i'd just moved from Edinburgh and you were there to help me find my way around and you stood up for me when that scabby siobhan went into my lunch box in the cloakroom and stole all my food. Bitch.
After that we were pretty much inseperable. I remember staying at yours every Friday and then you would stay at mine on Saturdays. We had shopping trips/cinema + movie days/walks together with my mum and ewen/trips out to various places and you were the only person i've ever met in my whole life that understood how bad home was for me and for that i wont ever forget you.
The most distinct memory i have of you was when we went to the shows in West End park and went on the Tagada, you let go of the handrail and rolled around in the foam pad in the middle screaming "STOP THE RIDE. HELP ME" and my god laura, ive never ever laughed so hard in my whole entire life. I actually thought i was going to die. M+D's at night time and thr first time you took me on the flying carpet - at like the age of 9 i was screaming "FUCKING HELL THIS IS SICK, I FEEL FUCKING ILL"
and from that moment on, i was a hardcore girl and that still hasnt changed ;)
Then the time when we watched the crocodile hunter with carolann and it was so fucking boring i screamed at the top of my lungs and everyone shat themselves :')
Oh and all your birthday sleepovers, when we got waterbaloons and played truth or dare pretending to piss in the street to see what people would say.
One final memory - When i came round that evening your mum and john wanted a 'quiet night in' and i thought it would be a good idea to try and cram a whole bag of skittles in my mouth before laughing so hard i was dribbling rainbow colours and got sent outside to dribble in peace.
Also; Britney Spears, Happy hardcore, Dj Rankin, Celine Dion and so many more.
I miss you Wawa, I miss you so much :( x
I know i left in a manner that may have seemed unforgivable but what else was i supposed to do? It wasnt even like i was aware it was going to happen and the sequence of events would unfold in the way it did.
You were my best friend from day 1, i can remember first starting in primary 3 when i'd just moved from Edinburgh and you were there to help me find my way around and you stood up for me when that scabby siobhan went into my lunch box in the cloakroom and stole all my food. Bitch.
After that we were pretty much inseperable. I remember staying at yours every Friday and then you would stay at mine on Saturdays. We had shopping trips/cinema + movie days/walks together with my mum and ewen/trips out to various places and you were the only person i've ever met in my whole life that understood how bad home was for me and for that i wont ever forget you.
The most distinct memory i have of you was when we went to the shows in West End park and went on the Tagada, you let go of the handrail and rolled around in the foam pad in the middle screaming "STOP THE RIDE. HELP ME" and my god laura, ive never ever laughed so hard in my whole entire life. I actually thought i was going to die. M+D's at night time and thr first time you took me on the flying carpet - at like the age of 9 i was screaming "FUCKING HELL THIS IS SICK, I FEEL FUCKING ILL"
and from that moment on, i was a hardcore girl and that still hasnt changed ;)
Then the time when we watched the crocodile hunter with carolann and it was so fucking boring i screamed at the top of my lungs and everyone shat themselves :')
Oh and all your birthday sleepovers, when we got waterbaloons and played truth or dare pretending to piss in the street to see what people would say.
One final memory - When i came round that evening your mum and john wanted a 'quiet night in' and i thought it would be a good idea to try and cram a whole bag of skittles in my mouth before laughing so hard i was dribbling rainbow colours and got sent outside to dribble in peace.
Also; Britney Spears, Happy hardcore, Dj Rankin, Celine Dion and so many more.
I miss you Wawa, I miss you so much :( x
Mondays child looks thuper ill...
Please try to look past the fact that my mothers diabolical camera angles make me look terminally ill. Oh God.
Anyway...
Black Maxi Dress - £28 New look
Rings - various places
Silver angel wing necklace - £2.99 H&M
I didnt feel like wearing shoes today. Lazy.
Anyway...
Black Maxi Dress - £28 New look
Rings - various places
Silver angel wing necklace - £2.99 H&M
I didnt feel like wearing shoes today. Lazy.
So ... did I see you in trainspotting or was that just another one of your lies? if you were in trainspotting you would've been 6.
What? I never ever recall saying i was IN trainspotting, thats fucking ludicrous. I said I used to live where trainspotting was filmed; Muirhouse in Edinburgh, funnily enough i was 6 and my mum worked in Muiehouse under 12's and parents centre, she was project leader for save the children and i used to walk to meet her there after school. We lived there at the time it was filmed so perhaps i said something about how good it would have been if i had by accident ended up in it but no, i dont remember saying i was in it. I lived there for about 7 years...
Sunday, 27 June 2010
BORED :(
Whats on your bed right now?
umm 2 pillows and a hoodie
When was the last time you threw up?
rubys party, im not one for vomming regularly.
What’s your favorite word or phrase?
"laughing my dick off"
What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
i was shleeeeeeeeepin'
What is your favorite holiday?
summa coz i need colour in my ghostly skin
What is the last thing you said aloud?
"frisky"
What is the best ice cream flavor?
ben and jerrys fossil fuel - it was limited edition :'(
What was the last thing you had to drink?
water
What are you wearing right now?
a thuper maxi dress and a hoodie
What was the last thing you ate?
errr.... i cant remember, i think it was a carrot.
Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
yesssss - ive been naughty.
When was the last time you ran?
yesterday - i run alot because it makes me less angry.
If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
New York, New York
Have you ever lost anything down a toilet?
ahahahaha, i properly laughed at this question. No i havent.
What is your guilty pleasure?
McFly
Do you use smiley faces on the computer alot?
:)
Do you drink your soda from a straw?
no, i call it juice and the only thing i drink through a straw is tea
What are you doing tomorrow?
im going to the post office and then working :(
What color is your watch?
its silver and its DKNY, snazzy darling.
Ever ridden on a roller coaster?
loads, i lovvvvvve them
What is your birthstone?
garnet, i think?
Any plans today?
todays sooooo over
Last song listened to?
i'll be there by stunt
Last movie you saw?
hnerrrrrrrrgh, The Lovely Bones
Are you married?
no thanks, i’m 19...
Do you hate anyone right now?
no, hates too strong a word.
Do you use the word ‘hello’ daily?
no... i use other methods of greeting people.
How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
20 :| vom.
Have you ever been to Six Flags?
no but i did build an amazing replica on rollercoaster tycoon
How did u get one of your scars?
i burnt myself making lasagne.
Have you ever searched for your own house on Google Earth?
nuh.
Have you ever cried whilst in the shower?
nope
Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friend?
many times
Did you ever waste too much time on a certain boy or girl?
yeah... far too much time
Do you know anyone with the same name as you?
NO :)
What are you looking forward to right now?
Going to sleep because im freakin' knackered.
If you could go back in time and change something, would you ?
a couple of things, yea
Have you ever done anything illegal?
;) naughty.
Has anyone ever borrowed something from you and never returned it back?
not that i can think of.
Truth or Dare always turns sexual, doesn’t it?
not in my experience... only once.
Do you wish someone would turn up at your front door right now?
not really, im tired and i look like a zombie.
How are you feeling right now?
very tired.
When a friend walks out of your life, do you go after them or let them go?
Depends on who it is.
Do you know anyone who is pregnant?
no actually.
Has anybody ever given you butterflies?
yeah, big time.
Do you own an iPod?
Ouii
Where do you buy your groceries from?
tescimo
Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
i dont know, depends on how i feel
If you win the lottery, what’s the first thing you would buy?
a house
Has anyone ever called you lazy?
not that i can think of right now.
Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?
i dont like milkkkk
Do you wear hoodies often?
im in a hoodie now.
Can you whistle?
oh yes
What is your favourite ride at an theme park?
best thing ever - oblivion
Do you think people talk about you behind your back?
Probably
What post code are you in right now?
SY
How many siblings do you have?
i gots one lil bruvvva
When was the last time you laughed so hard your sides hurt?
erm... last week.
What film do you know every line to?
coyote ugly
Do you own any band t–shirts?
yes
When was your last plane ride?
ive never been on a plane :|
How many chairs are at your dining room table?
4
umm 2 pillows and a hoodie
When was the last time you threw up?
rubys party, im not one for vomming regularly.
What’s your favorite word or phrase?
"laughing my dick off"
What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
i was shleeeeeeeeepin'
What is your favorite holiday?
summa coz i need colour in my ghostly skin
What is the last thing you said aloud?
"frisky"
What is the best ice cream flavor?
ben and jerrys fossil fuel - it was limited edition :'(
What was the last thing you had to drink?
water
What are you wearing right now?
a thuper maxi dress and a hoodie
What was the last thing you ate?
errr.... i cant remember, i think it was a carrot.
Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
yesssss - ive been naughty.
When was the last time you ran?
yesterday - i run alot because it makes me less angry.
If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
New York, New York
Have you ever lost anything down a toilet?
ahahahaha, i properly laughed at this question. No i havent.
What is your guilty pleasure?
McFly
Do you use smiley faces on the computer alot?
:)
Do you drink your soda from a straw?
no, i call it juice and the only thing i drink through a straw is tea
What are you doing tomorrow?
im going to the post office and then working :(
What color is your watch?
its silver and its DKNY, snazzy darling.
Ever ridden on a roller coaster?
loads, i lovvvvvve them
What is your birthstone?
garnet, i think?
Any plans today?
todays sooooo over
Last song listened to?
i'll be there by stunt
Last movie you saw?
hnerrrrrrrrgh, The Lovely Bones
Are you married?
no thanks, i’m 19...
Do you hate anyone right now?
no, hates too strong a word.
Do you use the word ‘hello’ daily?
no... i use other methods of greeting people.
How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
20 :| vom.
Have you ever been to Six Flags?
no but i did build an amazing replica on rollercoaster tycoon
How did u get one of your scars?
i burnt myself making lasagne.
Have you ever searched for your own house on Google Earth?
nuh.
Have you ever cried whilst in the shower?
nope
Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friend?
many times
Did you ever waste too much time on a certain boy or girl?
yeah... far too much time
Do you know anyone with the same name as you?
NO :)
What are you looking forward to right now?
Going to sleep because im freakin' knackered.
If you could go back in time and change something, would you ?
a couple of things, yea
Have you ever done anything illegal?
;) naughty.
Has anyone ever borrowed something from you and never returned it back?
not that i can think of.
Truth or Dare always turns sexual, doesn’t it?
not in my experience... only once.
Do you wish someone would turn up at your front door right now?
not really, im tired and i look like a zombie.
How are you feeling right now?
very tired.
When a friend walks out of your life, do you go after them or let them go?
Depends on who it is.
Do you know anyone who is pregnant?
no actually.
Has anybody ever given you butterflies?
yeah, big time.
Do you own an iPod?
Ouii
Where do you buy your groceries from?
tescimo
Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
i dont know, depends on how i feel
If you win the lottery, what’s the first thing you would buy?
a house
Has anyone ever called you lazy?
not that i can think of right now.
Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?
i dont like milkkkk
Do you wear hoodies often?
im in a hoodie now.
Can you whistle?
oh yes
What is your favourite ride at an theme park?
best thing ever - oblivion
Do you think people talk about you behind your back?
Probably
What post code are you in right now?
SY
How many siblings do you have?
i gots one lil bruvvva
When was the last time you laughed so hard your sides hurt?
erm... last week.
What film do you know every line to?
coyote ugly
Do you own any band t–shirts?
yes
When was your last plane ride?
ive never been on a plane :|
How many chairs are at your dining room table?
4
i havent done an outfit post in so long...
Maxi dress - £45 topshop
Distressed Gladiator sandals - £34.99 River Island.
i got round to exchanging my dress
in return i came away with these...
Black Gladiators - because i only have brown ones and it tends to get too hot in my other shoes when its like 32 degrees outside so i needed some to match all my clothes.
Those are actually 3/4 length patterened hareem trousers but im really crap at getting things at the right angle on webcam so there we go
Black lace bodycon dress - i also have it in cream, its so short, really tight and makes me look like a slag (in a good way) - loves it.
This is also my topshop maxi dress which i adore because it makes me look like i have a bit more than the chest of a 7 year old boy.
HAPPY SUNDAY GUIZ :)
Letter 13 - someone i wish could forgive me.
Im not going to write this letter to an individual person - no, im writing it to a group of people. You all know who you are.
Im so so sorry for all the hurt and pain i've caused recently. I dont know where i've been/what i've been doing or even why i behaved in such ways.
Thats not me - you know yourselves thats not the Yona that you all loved to begin with.
Because i've been alone for a bit now, i've come to the realisation that since i got ill i've completley lost my character. Ive built up a pathetic defence wall which i guess is a way of keeping people out and it's stripped me from being a feisty, insane, naughty little bitch to a self pitying victim which im not atall.
I know i can write as many apologies as i want and it wont change anything but i hope you can all give me a second chance to prove that i can be yona again - i want you all to experience the girl i was before anna came along and decided to swallow up my hopes/ambitions/dreams and confidence.
She's in there guys, and she's coming out of her shell.
Let me show you x
Im so so sorry for all the hurt and pain i've caused recently. I dont know where i've been/what i've been doing or even why i behaved in such ways.
Thats not me - you know yourselves thats not the Yona that you all loved to begin with.
Because i've been alone for a bit now, i've come to the realisation that since i got ill i've completley lost my character. Ive built up a pathetic defence wall which i guess is a way of keeping people out and it's stripped me from being a feisty, insane, naughty little bitch to a self pitying victim which im not atall.
I know i can write as many apologies as i want and it wont change anything but i hope you can all give me a second chance to prove that i can be yona again - i want you all to experience the girl i was before anna came along and decided to swallow up my hopes/ambitions/dreams and confidence.
She's in there guys, and she's coming out of her shell.
Let me show you x
Saturday, 26 June 2010
To do list...
1: start keeping my fashion scrapbook again, afterall it is my passion...
2: paint my nails black
3: return dress
4: scour every topshop in the county for 'wisteria' wedges - size 7 (in black)
5: find/make a psir of black ripped jeans
6: get more of a tan
7: send belt back to ebay person
8: enrol myself on a hip hop dance class
9: start writing everyday
10: find a job with more possibility that mcdonalds.
Now that college is over its time to sort my life out... Im tired of living like this. The old Yona with ambition, passion and heart is coming back. Baiiii Anna, wont miss you.
2: paint my nails black
3: return dress
4: scour every topshop in the county for 'wisteria' wedges - size 7 (in black)
5: find/make a psir of black ripped jeans
6: get more of a tan
7: send belt back to ebay person
8: enrol myself on a hip hop dance class
9: start writing everyday
10: find a job with more possibility that mcdonalds.
Now that college is over its time to sort my life out... Im tired of living like this. The old Yona with ambition, passion and heart is coming back. Baiiii Anna, wont miss you.
Ok so yesterday i completed my wishlist... I also picked up a few more beauties on my travels... (i also got a lovely plaited bodycon skirt but apparently its sold out online... oh dear)
£54.99 @ River Island? What? I want these so much i'm actually dribbling. £54.99? Its been 20 minutes and i still can't quite take it in... They look so miu-miuesque. Someone be a darling and give me some £££? Hmm?
£54.99 @ River Island? What? I want these so much i'm actually dribbling. £54.99? Its been 20 minutes and i still can't quite take it in... They look so miu-miuesque. Someone be a darling and give me some £££? Hmm?
Letter 12 - the person who hurt me the most
Hey Anna, you little fucking bitch.
You may not be a real physical person that i can reach out and touch but Dr Jaffa and several others described you as a person so i'm going to go with that.
Why the fuck are you trying to get back inside my head? I'd literally (after 7 years of suffering) JUST reached a point where i was closing the door in your face but you. You and your fucking self centered ways pushed the door back open and threw yourself back in. I fucking hate you. Go away and leave me alone.
No? You don't want to do that? I didnt think so.
You've robbed me of everything anna; my morals, my passion, my interest, my hopes and dreams, my confidence, my sanity and even my friends and family. I'm fucking sick of you.
I can remember before i met you; i was so feisty, so confident, i didnt give a flying shit what anyone else thought about me. Now look at me. Im broken, im pretending to be someone i'm not, im uncomfortable being in my own skin and all the behaviours i engage in are now in some way or another self destructive.
I hope you know you've broken me? Do you?
I can also remember the days where i could eat a proper meal and sleep properly the night after but no. Not anymore. Now its; meal - excersize - no sleep - more excersize - repeat. Not even a fucking meal anna, a structured and diciplined excuse for a meal. Why won't you leave me alone?
Dont you dare try to tell me it isnt you that ensures i check each one of my ribs is still promenant before i try to sleep? How can i sleep when i feel so hollow and empty? You love to see me feeling like that though dont you?
Or what about when i look in the mirror... its you that looks at me and screams about how fucking ugly i am isnt it? Yeah, you know it.
I was only just starting to like myself... after what seemed like a never ending struggle but youre back. Youre fucking back.
FUCK YOU. LEAVE. ME. ALONE.
You may not be a real physical person that i can reach out and touch but Dr Jaffa and several others described you as a person so i'm going to go with that.
Why the fuck are you trying to get back inside my head? I'd literally (after 7 years of suffering) JUST reached a point where i was closing the door in your face but you. You and your fucking self centered ways pushed the door back open and threw yourself back in. I fucking hate you. Go away and leave me alone.
No? You don't want to do that? I didnt think so.
You've robbed me of everything anna; my morals, my passion, my interest, my hopes and dreams, my confidence, my sanity and even my friends and family. I'm fucking sick of you.
I can remember before i met you; i was so feisty, so confident, i didnt give a flying shit what anyone else thought about me. Now look at me. Im broken, im pretending to be someone i'm not, im uncomfortable being in my own skin and all the behaviours i engage in are now in some way or another self destructive.
I hope you know you've broken me? Do you?
I can also remember the days where i could eat a proper meal and sleep properly the night after but no. Not anymore. Now its; meal - excersize - no sleep - more excersize - repeat. Not even a fucking meal anna, a structured and diciplined excuse for a meal. Why won't you leave me alone?
Dont you dare try to tell me it isnt you that ensures i check each one of my ribs is still promenant before i try to sleep? How can i sleep when i feel so hollow and empty? You love to see me feeling like that though dont you?
Or what about when i look in the mirror... its you that looks at me and screams about how fucking ugly i am isnt it? Yeah, you know it.
I was only just starting to like myself... after what seemed like a never ending struggle but youre back. Youre fucking back.
FUCK YOU. LEAVE. ME. ALONE.
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