being my usual silly self but recently i've had such strong feelings of being lost and alone i cant pretend everythings okay anymore.
To begin with, i miss my father; i miss how (as much of a prick he was) shared all of the interests i do, meaning we went places and had a nice time... My mum, on the other hand, is only willing to do things that will benefit her and my brother, leaving no time for me.
My family, now even going to see my grandmother is too much of a task and i very much doubt going to see my cousins/aunts/uncles in Scotland (and even my dads headstone - WHICH I PAID FOR) is ever going to happen again - because mum dosent want to...
Another thing i miss is my friends; Laura, Joan, Emma, Ellen, Johnny, Donna, Kellyann, Stephanie and everyone else that knew me. They were ones i trusted with my life, who fully understood why i am who i am, who were there for me day and night and always kept time aside so we could do things together, like shopping or sleepovers.
The holidays - Primrose valley... ah, those were the days, the memories are so strongly linked to happiness i could even walk past a doughnut stall and crave being there.
More than anything, i miss who i was... I miss my laugh, my smile, being carefree and healthy without having to worry about exams, money, uni and what was ahead of me.
I fucking hate alcohol, drugs and anorexia due to the way they've shattered everything that was significant to me.
Right now i'd just like to fade away.
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